No Litter Box Required
by rivaidere
Summary: It's a strange type of serendipity, Eren thinks, that the same black cat he rescued from a library drop-box would turn out to be the asshole he ran into at the coffee shop, who in turn would end up as his boyfriend, of all people. Modern college AU featuring Neko! Levi. [Cover art by -Par-, used with permission.]
1. drop-box

_Disclaimer: I do not own shingeki no kyojin or any of its characters. I also have close to zero knowledge on cat behaviour so sorry in advance for any inaccuracies in levi'sthe cat's behaviour.  
A quick thanks to ererifulon tumblr for looking this over and making sure this wasn't complete shit 3_

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The library is a desolate and rather lonely place after closing hours, with no one yelling at children to shut up and only making more noise in the process or nosing (in)discreetly through the erotica aisle or hiding in a corner with a laptop all day mooching off the free Wi-Fi. Eren finds it a strangely hollow feeling. He's just about finished with locking up for the night when he hears the tiniest of noises sound from somewhere behind him—

_Mew._

There isn't anyone else in the library aside from himself and the security guy, he assures his inner conscience.

_Mew. Mewww._

He spins around with the library keys chiming together on the loop in his hand, standing in an awkwardly improvised fighting stance in the middle of the darkened lobby. Thank god Jean isn't here, because even tipsy horses have footing more stable.

_Stay calm, _he tells himself, _it's just the wind._

Relaxing a bit and realizing that he forgot his coat in the office (it's too late to retrieve it now); Eren sighs and wraps his scarf extra snug on his neck to make up for its absence. Tucking the keys into the back pocket of his jeans, he takes a deep breath and prepares to bolt out the automatic doors and straight to his car. It's bitter as hell outside and Eren has zero intention of spending more time there than absolutely necessary.

He's taken two long strides outside when he hears it again, this time much more distinct.

_Mewwwwww._

Eren comes to a halting stop mid-step. A choice he immediately regrets, because he winds up falling on his ass on the icy cement. Icy, snow-covered, _hard_, cement. Fuck, his tailbone's probably busted.

On the bright side, he can now pinpoint where the sound is coming from.

_Mewww._

Eren narrows his eyes. _Bingo._

Carefully straightening and brushing himself off, he edges towards the drop-off box that patrons used to return books after library hours. Cautiously reaching a hand out to open the slot, Eren braces for impact. There'd better not be a bomb in there. Or a firecracker. Or living dog shit. And _hell_, it'd better not be—

A kitten.

A _kitten._

Or a tiny-ass full-grown cat.

Whatever it is, Eren's mind goes blank.

_Small._

_Fluffy._

_Squishy._

_Whiskers._

_Soft._

_Cute._

"Fucking _adorable,_" he breathes, staring at the little bundle of black fur in awe. It stops mewling to stare at him with piercing blue eyes and long white whiskers twitching, completely undeterred by the unfamiliar human that is Eren Jaeger. Said human doesn't even notice how his nose is starting to run or that his ass is beginning to really throb and doesn't even think to question how a cat even ended up crammed in a library book drop-box. All he wants in the world is to pet this miniature huddle of tiny kitty charm and obliterate all memories of masculinity he has ever possessed. There's only so much Eren's young, fragile, 19-year-old heart can bear.

He holds out a tentative hand, remembering from somewhere that you're supposed to let cats sniff you before any further action.

"H-hey…I'm Eren."

The stray doesn't move, staring back at him from within the drop-box with the most unamused expression Eren has ever seen. He shifts his weight to the other foot with one arm still outstretched, feeling (and probably looking) like an idiot.

Apparently the cat thinks so too, because it gazes at Eren's finger with a look at pure incredulity kind of like _"Do you think I'm fucking stupid?"_

Eren huffs. "You don't have to be so damn difficult," he withdraws his arm and studies the small animal. "It's cold. You must be freezing."

What kind of cruel person stuffs their cat into a chilled metal drop-box on a subzero winter night a leaves it alone to die?

He takes the scarf from his neck and shows it to the cat. "I'm going to wrap this around you, okay?" When it narrows its eyes at him, he adds. "So you won't be cold anymore. It's fuck—uh, freaking—freezing out here."

Wait. Cats don't know what swearing is. Eren resists the urge to throw up his hands in surrender for fear of frightening it, although at this point _he _was possibly more intimidated by the cat than the cat would ever be of him. It was kind of sad.

"Alright, uh, Cat—" he begins, and he swearshe sees it _gape _at him. "Okay, okay, sorry. But I don't have anything else to call you."

'Cat' cocks his head and paws at his neck. A collar. _Of course, _Eren thinks, angry at himself.

Ignoring the fact that a cathad somehow understood English, he squints at the tiny metal plate and reads, "…Heichou?

The cat meows. He takes it as a yes.

Wrestling Heichou out of the drop-box and into his car is a long, grueling battle with plenty of hissing from both parties. He knows that picking up an unfamiliar animal is a bad idea, but 1) Eren doesn't have much other choice, 2) this cat's got more spunk than he's ever possessed in his life, and 3) his ass doesn't hurt anymore but that's only because it's going numb from cold, plus he forgot his coat so all he's wearing is a hoodie and jeans.

He ends up wrapping the black bundle of fur in his scarf and plopping it in the passenger seat with the seatbelt on just in case.

"So, uh, Heichou," Eren begins, starting the ignition and pulling out of the parking lot, "How'd you end up in that return box anyway?"

The cat doesn't respond. Eren feels it staring at him and struggles to keep his eyes on the road.

"Um…" Well, what was he supposed to say? "Are you a guy or girl?"

Damn. That came out wrong. "You're…female?"

The cat growls a small, cute but mildly frightening growl.

Okay, so according to the cat, he was male.

There's awkward silence for the remainder of the drive.

The trip from Eren's car to his apartment is another agonizing battle. Heichou doesn't seem to like being picked up, and turns out he's pretty feisty cat. Feisty as in tiny, angry and murderous.

Eren manages to barely make it through the front door before Heichou uses his arms as a launch pad and lands primly on the nearby loveseat. Eren shakes himself all over and tries to regain a sense of feeling in his arms, legs, face, and butt. Hadn't he decided _not _to stay outside for longer than necessary?

He notices Heichou settling on his haunches and observing his shake-out session intently. It's more than slightly unnerving.

He decides to ignore the cat's piercing gaze and busies himself with finding a bowl and some leftover cat food (thank god Mikasa had had him do some cat-sitting a while back).

"Here," he sets the dish on the ground, along with a cup of water, "Eat if you're hungry."

Eren leaves Heichou with the food and goes to get him a towel. When he gets back, the cat is glaring at the food dish like it personally offends him.

"What is it now?" Eren sighs. It's cold. It's late. He just wants to sleep.

Heichou hops off the couch and makes an exaggerated show of pushing the dish away from him with one paw.

"You…don't like cat food?"

The cat sticks out his tongue.

"Alright, alright. But I'm not making you anything else. Starve if you want." Eren yawns, turning around to go back to his bedroom. "I'm going to bed. You can sleep on the couch or whatever."

The cat rolls his eyes—wait, what?—and bounds back onto the loveseat, curling into a ridiculously cute ball of black fluff. Eren resists the urge to 'aww'because that wouldn't be manly.

-x-

Later that night, when he's sure Eren must be asleep (feline senses come in handy at times like these) Levi sneaks into the bathroom to do his business.

Cats need litter boxes, and that idiot had completely forgotten. If Levi were a real cat, he'd have pissed on the carpet by now.

It's thanks to Eren that he isn't freezing his balls off in that library return slot, though. He gives him credit for being stupid enough to approach a stray—and being even stupider by bringing it home with him.

_I'll stay here until I get to pay him back_, he decides.

Even if this brat's place is fucking disgusting. Having an exceptional sense of smell doesn't help.

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as you can probably see this will be a purely lighthearted fic with minimal angst and pain, so expect more cat!levi shenanigans :D

thank you for reading! i'm always looking to improve, so feedback would be greatly appreciated :3

my tumblr is **rivaidere, **_feel free to message me with any questions/suggestions!_


	2. the fateful coffee incident

Over the next week, Eren learns more about Heichou than he probably has about anything else in life. The cat is so goddamn picky that he winds up making a list of Heichou's every goddamn preference, which also becomes the longest piece of writing Eren has produced since last Saturday.

One: Never feed him cat food. Heichou only accepts bacon, ham, tea, and water, which Eren doesn't think is particularly healthy but has no other choice lest Heichou starve to death.

Two: Never allow dust to gather on any piece of furniture in Heichou's sight, because then he'll try to lick it off.

Three: Never mention the vet around him. And don't even think about _taking_ him to the vet.

Four: Never try to touch his tail. Not like it's possible considering the speed at which he whips it away, but you'll earn yourself a scratch nonetheless.

Five: Heichou sleeps on peoples' faces when he's pissed at them. Eren finds this out the hard way.

Six: He absolutely loathes collars. Eren discovers that Heichou hadn't been pawing at his collar because he wanted Eren to notice his name; it was because he wanted Eren to take it off.

Seven: Heichou may hate collars, but he wholeheartedly _adores_ toilet paper. Starting from day three, Eren would never see Heichou without a mini cravat thing made of toilet paper wrapped around his neck for some inexplicable reason.

Eight: Heichou disappears for a few hours daily, sometimes during the day, sometimes at night. The first time it happened, Eren nearly panicked until Heichou reappeared a couple hours later.

Eren has also chosen to casually overlook Heichou's ability to somehow comprehend English. It's not _that _strange. There're tons of animals can communicate with their owners, the Internet is full of them.

-x-

It's one of _those _days. Days when Eren is 30 percent more uncoordinated than his usual 70 percent, collectively adding up to 100 percent klutz. Heichou is nowhere to be found when he wakes up, but that isn't his first concern because the peculiar cat always manages to return home some time or another.

Eren makes it halfway through the day without trouble and uses lunch break as a chance celebrate this minor victory. There's a cozy little coffee shop just down the street from campus, and Eren sprints there with ten minutes to spare from his next lecture.

He's in somewhat of a rush, because Music History is taught by the notoriously harsh Professor Shadis (who is rumoured to have nearly given Connie a concussion for being tardy) and the line for coffee is tediously long. Ordering and paying at the fastest attainable speed, Eren spins on his heel and goes to escape the shop with eyes trained on the door.

He doesn't see the short man in his way, and whilst holding an uncovered cup of coffee, collides squarely into the stranger's chest.

_Shit._

"…"

"I-I…"

There's spilled coffee dripping from the man's cap and jacket, some of it streaking his face and running into his eyebrows. Eren gulps and takes a shaky step back with the half-empty paper cup in his hand.

If looks could kill, Eren wouldn't have enough time to die before disintegrating into atomic particles.

_He's dead. He is so dead. _

At a loss for words, Eren's mouth rattles off on its own. "I-I'm really really sorry class starts in five minutes Shadis is gonna kill me if I'm late and the line was really long I didn't look where I was going and I-I didn't see you there…sh-shit I'm really sorry—"

"Kid," the short guy interrupts curtly, "I don't _care._"

"…huh?"

The man glares. Eren swallows nervously and fidgets.

"But you'll pay," steely blue eyes burn into green ones, "for calling me short."

_Those eyes look familiar. Er_en just can't recall when he's seen them before.

Eren also doesn't remember saying anything about this man's height, but it's definitely uncalled for when the shorty grabs Eren's scarf and _uses it to soak up the spilled coffee. _

"The hell are you _doing_? That's my _scarf!_" Customers nearby are starting to pay attention.

"And this," the man retorts, dabbing at the last remnants of coffee left on his cheeks, "is my _face._"

Eren is rendered speechless and remains that way even after the man has turned tail and exited the café, slamming the door behind him. An employee scrambles over with a mop and bucket, apologizing profusely to everyone in sight. Eren can only replay the man's almost _smug _expression while drying his face.

What an _asshole_. Eren had said he was sorry, didn't he?

The spell only breaks when Professor Shadis's deafening roar pierces his ears seven minutes later.

"_You. Are. LATE."_

_-x-_

Eren brushes off his friends' questions about the whole ordeal after class and heads straight for the parking lot and climbs into his car, praying that Heichou hadn't trashed the place like he did the first day they had started living together.

It might've just been his brain malfunctioning from the pure volume of Keith Shadis's voice during the lecture, but Eren realizes on the drive home that the man from the café hadn't taken his hat off even with coffee seeping through his hair. For someone who used a stranger's scarf as a towel just for the sake of getting clean again, the pieces don't quite fit together.

-x-

_Gross. _

Levi has resolved to never drink coffee again. Not within the next twenty-four hours, at least, because there's no way he'll ever forget the vile sensation of the stuff dripping into his eyes and bleeding into his borrowed pair of boxer briefs. Moreover, because of his… er…'_specialness'_, he couldn't have taken off his hat. Sticky caffeinated liquid solidifying in your hair feels about as pleasant as getting trapped in a freezing library drop-box with nothing but a cute kitty exterior to your advantage. The fact that Levi has experienced both of those situations says a lot about him.

He hadn't expected to bump into Eren outside of the apartment. The main reason he'd wanted to avoid it was because of the clothes—cats don't wear human clothes, after all, and Levi is left stark naked after every cat-to-human transformation. Finding clothes without anyone catching him is typically a trying task, but luckily now Levi has access to Eren's apartment as well as the balconies of every other unfortunate soul who happens to live in the same complex—which is how Levi compiled his outfit for the day. The shirt belonged to Eren himself, hidden from view by the jacket stolen from Eren's next door neighbor. The pants and boxer briefs belonged to Eren's _other _next door neighbor, who had conveniently hung the garments on a clothesline right where Levi could reach on his tip-toes.

Hats and baggy shirts are an important aspect of his life. Without them he'd be forever roaming the streets as a stray cat and eating revolting leftovers for breakfast every day, lacking a way to interact civilly with other humans. An oversized shirt allows him to keep his tail wrapped tightly around his torso without it leaving visible bulges. Wearing a hat indoors to conceal his ears results in expulsion from most indoor facilities, but Levi would rather not have someone call animal control on him. The only pros of possessing cat ears and tail are that he doesn't have to wear a fake-ass costume for Halloween, which can't nearly suffice for all the failed job interviews he's been through and the overall miserable life he leads.

But just for now, he's going to make the most of the situation. A comfy shelter, fairly responsible caretaker (though Eren _still _hasn't remembered a litter box, the little shit), legally edible food, clean water—everything Levi's ever wanted. As long as Eren doesn't find out about his, ah, _abnormality, _he'll be fine.

Levi resolves to revisit that coffee shop the next day. Because he wants to try their coffee. Not because he might accidentally encounter Eren again. And definitely not because Levi wants to try actually speaking with him instead of meowing.

By the love of his toilet paper cravat, _definitely_ not.

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**a/n: I'm really sorry about the late update ;n; **

**my tumblr is rivaidere, open for feedback! :D**


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